Overtime, I’ve found that it’s easier for people to express what they don’t want in a relationship than it is to express their wants. This isn’t surprising because in life generally, it’s easier to focus on negative things than it is to focus on the positive. Little do we know that if we channel half as much energy on positive thoughts as we do on negative thoughts, we’ll have healthier relationships and a better society.
People use different techniques to get what they want; some use the direct approach, some others are manipulative, and a smaller percentage decide not to talk and shell. The disadvantage of this is they may quietly feel resentful toward their partner for not automatically knowing what they want. Their inner voices tell them they are unworthy or trying to convince them that they will experience humiliation, hurt, or rejection if they go after what they want. If you know someone who does this, drag them to read this they’ll find it helpful.
Saying what you want in a relationship is a powerful tool that prevents you from relating to your partner in hurtful ways. It’s also a good way for your partner to get to know and understand you.
Here are a few ways to get what you want in a relationship:
Don’t play the victim
When talking about what you want, hit the nail on the head. Stop pulling out the victim card. It’s unfair to punish your partner for not knowing instinctively what you want or for failing to read your mind. They’re not magicians. Yes, there are basic things we expect them to know but common sense isn’t common really.
Structure Your Sentences Properly
The way you communicate your needs is also very important. Many people feel comfortable beginning their sentences with “You did this” or “You didn’t do that”. Sentences like these can get your partner defensive and push him away from you. For a better response, switch your sentences from You to I: “I would like us to have dinner together more often”. “I would like to receive more attention from you”.
Nobody Owes You Anything
Relationships aside, the feeling of entitlement possessed by some people is appalling. When someone in a relationship acts like their partner owes them everything, they tend to fall into traps in which they find themselves nagging or complaining, both of which only serve to alienate or irritate a partner.
State your needs and don’t apologize for saying it or feel guilty. Always try to be open and honest about how you feel.
Know Thy Self
The key to your own happiness is understanding that someone cannot fulfil all your needs. You need to learn what those needs are and how to fulfil them on your own. Relationships enrich us but do not underestimate the power of self-reliance. Don’t wait for “bae” before you do everything. Try solving an issue by yourself. Be your own date to the movies or for lunch. Go window shopping alone, etc.
Letting your guard down to express your feelings and desires isn’t a bad thing. Learning to communicate what you want is an important skill to possess. You are worthy of what you want and will most likely get it. Even if you get disappointed, being an adult you understand that you don’t always get what you want but at least you tried.
What communication mistakes have you made in the past that have caused a fight between you and your partner?
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