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Heart2Heart

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Francis is one of my favourite kids at the hospice. His limbs are slender and disabled, but this doesn’t stop him from trying to move them. He uses his bed rails to lift himself up. He tries to hold on to his toys. He claps with his feet when I say “clap for Jesus”.

I always thought he was going to be confined to his bed, and eventually, a wheelchair for the rest of his life.  But day by day, he continues to prove me wrong. It’s inspiring to see him wriggle on the floor, moving from one point to another. He also does so quickly. In his mind, he is completely unstoppable.

One fateful evening, I set out to cook pepper soup.  Not the regular dish, but Omoyo as it is called in Yoruba language. It is usually made with blended fresh pepper and many spices. I was meant to have it with eko aka agidi, but was too lazy to get out of the comfort of my house to purchase it. So I settled for rice, which is equally nice.

While the rice was cooking, I got carried away with an Instagram post I was trying to upload. And sadly, the rice got burnt.

Tragic.

Now, at that point, I had two options:

1. Get disappointed and angry, pour the rice away and start all over.

2. Still be angry but manage to eat it with dissatisfaction.

We’ve all had moments in life when our self-confidence decided to bail on us. Understand that self-confidence is not a personality trait that people are born with. It comes with the habit of trusting your own skills, abilities and traits. What’s important is discovering why you lost it (tracing patterns) and how you can regain it.

Different life events and issues cause us to lose our self-esteem. These lead to negative self-talk, incorrect interpretation of events, and limiting beliefs about one’s self and incorrect thinking patterns.

Let’s look at each closely and how to regain what has been lost:

Overtime, I’ve found that it’s easier for people to express what they don’t want in a relationship than it is to express their wants. This isn’t surprising because in life generally, it’s easier to focus on negative things than it is to focus on the positive. Little do we know that if we channel half as much energy on positive thoughts as we do on negative thoughts, we’ll have healthier relationships and a better society.

People use different techniques to get what they want; some use the direct approach, some others are manipulative, and a smaller percentage decide not to talk and shell. The disadvantage of this is they may quietly feel resentful toward their partner for not automatically knowing what they want. Their inner voices tell them they are unworthy or trying to convince them that they will experience humiliation, hurt, or rejection if they go after what they want. If you know someone who does this, drag them to read this they’ll find it helpful.

 

Sometimes, it happens, we run into that person;

that person who seems to be all: all that we have ever wanted in a partner.

The conversation is good, mind as good as he looks, the chemistry is tight;

and to crown it, the feeling seems mutual.

Then the “but;” there is a Number One somewhere; and he is dutifully committed.

Valentine’s Day may be long gone, but remember it’s still the season of love! Make it a season to remember with these fun challenges with your significant other. Try your best not to miss any day and share your thoughts on the outcome of each day.

Day 1: Heard of the five love languages before? Take the test with your partner on Dr. Gary Chapman’s website. This will help you discover each other’s love language and start developing ways to adopt it.

Day 2: Tell him three (random) things you appreciate about him. This will go a long way in his eyes, especially if his love language is “words of affirmation”. Be honest and don’t throw in words you don’t mean. 

Day 3: Go on a date to one of your favourite places, somewhere you’ve both been before. This will bring back fond memories and offer more opportunities for connecting.

With Valentine’s day around the corner, it’s the perfect excuse to show some love. With each one of us running our daily lives and trying to thrive in this curveball-filled life, we so often seem to forget to show love to ourselves and even the people around us.

I never really got the hang of this day because I was confused about what we were actually celebrating. Were we celebrating an execution or were we celebrating love? But four February 14ths later, I’ve realized that contrary to popular belief, Valentine’s Day isn’t only about exchanging gifts, sweet messages and wearing red. It has gone beyond just a day to a month and is now a constant reminder of the art of showcasing, celebrating and living in love. February is now known as the month of love and I’ll keep rooting for love till love is life itself.

Question: When it comes to love and marriage, are emotions enough?

Emotions, they say, are fleeting and should never be trusted. But a lot of us make decisions based on how we feel or don’t feel. Worlds’ greatest wars have been fought and thousands, if not millions of lives, have been lost because of someone’s’ “emotions”.

On this love deals, it turns out that us humans secrete a feel-good hormone called oxytocin; it’s the same one that gives you butterflies in your stomach and causes your heart to skip a beat at the sight of your “prey”. So, for most people, when the chemicals in the brain wear off, they say they are no longer in love with someone they could once die or kill for.

#1. Am I getting married because I am in my late twenties/thirties and the society think it’s the next thing to do to live a fulfilled life?

#2. Am I actually psychologically, emotionally and spiritually ready for it?

#3. Honestly, am I doing it because all my friends are wearing bands and I don’t want to feel left out?

#4. Have I come to terms with the fact that majority of the married women who seem happy are actually wearing the smallest handcuffs and are looking for a way out?

#5. Am I getting married because I have been dating this particular person for years and it just seems like the polite thing to do?

I was having drinks with friends and acquaintances a few nights ago when we got talking about how fast our society’s value system is going down the drain. Prior to that, I thought I was the only one who had issues with the way things are done these days, especially when it comes to relationships.

What seems to happen these days is that a guy meets a girl with flawless foundation, well-shaped eyebrows, hot lipstick to match, snatched shape and human hair from a special nation that can pay one’s house rent per annum on her head – Peru, Brazil, Malaysia and the likes. Sadly, such a lady may have little or nothing “upstairs” (mentally) as she is used to meeting men who just like what they see and are focused on the urge to satisfy “Jonny down there” which blinds all judgment for choosing right. Therefore, the only form of personal development she seeks is the acquisition of the latest hair weaves, makeup and other wears which have a very short lifespan.