We’ve all had moments in life when our self-confidence decided to bail on us. Understand that self-confidence is not a personality trait that people are born with. It comes with the habit of trusting your own skills, abilities and traits. What’s important is discovering why you lost it (tracing patterns) and how you can regain it.

Different life events and issues cause us to lose our self-esteem. These lead to negative self-talk, incorrect interpretation of events, and limiting beliefs about one’s self and incorrect thinking patterns.

Let’s look at each closely and how to regain what has been lost:

Negative self-talk

You have to monitor the thoughts you allow yourself dwell on. They don’t just swing by; there’s always something that triggers such thoughts.

For someone dating whose significant other doesn’t regard her anymore,  you may start to feel like you’re not attractive enough. You tell yourself this over and over again until you actually start to look unattractive.

Negative thoughts come in batches and for each one, you have to create a solution or response before the next thought appears. Don’t sit and bask in self-pity. Always fight back your negative thoughts with solutions. Here is an example of a conversation:

You: My clothes don’t fit anymore

Your mind: You look like a bag of garri

You: I know. I’ll start working out

Your mind: it’ll take forever to lose it and your body will hurt a lot

You: I’m willing to do whatever it takes to get my body back

The thoughts keep appearing one by one, and as long as you are providing reassurance to your mind you won’t feel bad.

Read also: Depression – What I Learnt About It and How to Fight Back

Incorrect interpretation of events

Things are not always as they seem. We tend to see the world as we are, not as it really is. My advice is, before jumping into conclusions, always seek confirmation of your interpretation of things. Really, assumptions have caused more harm than good, so clarifying helps you fix thoughts that may put you down or destroy your self-confidence.

If certain people in your life make you feel less of yourself, you need to investigate why. You might just discover there’s something unique about you that makes them boil. You’re actually good enough but you’re surrounded by negative energy.


Limiting beliefs about one’s self

When a certain person fails to get what she wants in life, her mind can quickly create a limiting belief such as “I am not lucky” in order to explain her situation or protect her ego. But usually, limiting beliefs are created when a person doesn’t have sufficient knowledge about a gap in her life.

First, you need to be a master of your curiosity and to learn how to fill these gaps by acquiring sufficient knowledge. The second thing you must do is to learn how to educate yourself and read about whatever concerns you so that you prevent limiting beliefs that result from lack of knowledge from being created.

Finally, never underestimate the power of your support system. I’ve had moments where I felt like my self-confidence was sinking into a dark hole but my support system never let me sink deep. Speak to someone about your situation; don’t isolate yourself.


Guest blogger’s bio

Alicia James is an incisive businesswoman and passionate blogger who runs her own blog www.aliciajames101.com. She started it two years ago to document her stories, experiences and life lessons with the view to becoming a source of inspiration to her readers and to be a looking-glass through which the younger generations find solace




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